I just need to say that I am grateful for...
my mother for letting me cry whenever I need to. She always says that I have the right to cry, even if it is something stupid.
my dad who says I need to stop crying over silly things. He always puts things into perspective.
Nicole, my sister. She is always ready to hear my story. She sees that I'm upset and she jumps all over whoever said or did something before she even knows who it is. (she starts raising her voice, "Who was it? Bob? Jessica? Does she know that she is a jerk? and immature..") I laugh every time before I tell her what happened because she is so sweet to jump whoever exactly when I need it!
my Abbey :) my kindred spirit who gets me. It is almost as if you see that I am calling or texting and you know what to say before I even say anything. You get me and that means so much to me.
my health. I have been a little sick lately and probably need to go to the doctor, but for the most part--I have been healthy and able to do whatever I want regardless of weight!
my scriptures. I have been reading every night and it has made all the difference! I am starting to understand more information and I love it.
prayer. I don't know why I stopped doing it all the time. I NEED my talks with God every day (about 3 times a day) or I feel so alone and exhausted.
my blog readers. You are a small number and I feel like this is my little safe haven. I don't care if you don't even read it lol! I just know that it helps me to write these things down. (journal writing has been hard lately since I lost my journal...and typing is much faster)
BTW! I actually typed a long dramatic story about something that happened last night. I could barely sleep because of it and I had nightmares. I typed it all up and felt better until I realized that I was just hurting myself. (Abbey's text from last night helping me with the situation popped into my head) I erased the story and decided I would do the opposite of complain and here it is.
Now I'm off to school to try and pass a test. and a lab final. I am not looking forward to either of them at all!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
finals week=yuck
Honestly, I kind of like finals week. It is horrible and great at the same time. I like the relief I feel after every test I take. It seriously feels like someone takes off a brick from my shoulders. (of course-it feels like a whole house is lifted off when I see good final grades!)
I am moving back home to mom and dad's. I decided that the apartment thing wasn't right for me at this time. I don't have a steady job-any kind of income that is sufficient to live on-and I feel like I need to be at home saving money. I cleaned out my savings account during the month of February and I still feel terrible about it. One bad thing about moving back home is my church calling in Tyler. I am the secretary of the Relief Society and I really didn't want to give that up, but I really feel that I should be at home. I am so excited for the YSA branch in Tyler and hope that it continues to grow. I also feel a little guilty about backing out of the apartment. A down payment was made (I am paying back half of it since I was going to have half of the apartment) but I know that something will work out for my friends. I know that I had horrible timing with changing my mind, but better a little late than a few months down the road not being able to pay rent.
I said "I feel" about twelve times in that paragraph. Even if I put aside my feelings--I KNOW that moving back home is going to be best for me.
I applied to be an EFY Counselor for the summer and I am hoping that I get to do at least a couple of sessions. I am going to call BYU on Monday to figure out my interview situation so cross your fingers.
I helped mom clean out the swimming pool today. I did not go to class this morning. My 8 am class didn't meet so it was super hard for me to wake up and go to just one class. I have a few tests on Tuesday and I am not ready for 2 (of 3) but I'll be studying a lot tomorrow and Monday!
House sitting this weekend and actually pretty excited for some alone time. Living with my grandparents the past month has been fun, but they are ALWAYS home lol. I don't feel like I've any time to think or breathe lately so I am excited for some peace. I'm sure one night all by myself in a strange (large) home will change that! I think Erica is going to come stay with me tomorrow night--so I might not have to get scared!
If I don't get to be an EFY counselor-my immediate goal is to get a job in Gilmer ASAP!!!!! I am determined to get my savings account back to where it was before and I want to put some other money aside for something special. Possibly school-possibly a car-possibly rent for a place--possibly a lot of things.
Antonio is so darling! Today he said a complete sentence and I don't think I've ever heard (or realized) before. I was outside running in a circle and he laughed and said, "What are you doing?!" It was so cute. The only other thing he says that is close to a sentence is --I don't wanna. He is very demanding! I think he is a little slow to talking because he is not fully understanding what people (our family--people at daycare) are saying. His dad speaks to him in Spanish and everyone else in English. We think he might be a little confused, but we aren't to the point of worry yet. I guess it is okay for him to be confused. I'm sure I would be if people talked in different laguages to me.
I'm off to bed :) I have to get up a little earlier than I usually do on Saturday :P nighty night
I am moving back home to mom and dad's. I decided that the apartment thing wasn't right for me at this time. I don't have a steady job-any kind of income that is sufficient to live on-and I feel like I need to be at home saving money. I cleaned out my savings account during the month of February and I still feel terrible about it. One bad thing about moving back home is my church calling in Tyler. I am the secretary of the Relief Society and I really didn't want to give that up, but I really feel that I should be at home. I am so excited for the YSA branch in Tyler and hope that it continues to grow. I also feel a little guilty about backing out of the apartment. A down payment was made (I am paying back half of it since I was going to have half of the apartment) but I know that something will work out for my friends. I know that I had horrible timing with changing my mind, but better a little late than a few months down the road not being able to pay rent.
I said "I feel" about twelve times in that paragraph. Even if I put aside my feelings--I KNOW that moving back home is going to be best for me.
I applied to be an EFY Counselor for the summer and I am hoping that I get to do at least a couple of sessions. I am going to call BYU on Monday to figure out my interview situation so cross your fingers.
I helped mom clean out the swimming pool today. I did not go to class this morning. My 8 am class didn't meet so it was super hard for me to wake up and go to just one class. I have a few tests on Tuesday and I am not ready for 2 (of 3) but I'll be studying a lot tomorrow and Monday!
House sitting this weekend and actually pretty excited for some alone time. Living with my grandparents the past month has been fun, but they are ALWAYS home lol. I don't feel like I've any time to think or breathe lately so I am excited for some peace. I'm sure one night all by myself in a strange (large) home will change that! I think Erica is going to come stay with me tomorrow night--so I might not have to get scared!
If I don't get to be an EFY counselor-my immediate goal is to get a job in Gilmer ASAP!!!!! I am determined to get my savings account back to where it was before and I want to put some other money aside for something special. Possibly school-possibly a car-possibly rent for a place--possibly a lot of things.
Antonio is so darling! Today he said a complete sentence and I don't think I've ever heard (or realized) before. I was outside running in a circle and he laughed and said, "What are you doing?!" It was so cute. The only other thing he says that is close to a sentence is --I don't wanna. He is very demanding! I think he is a little slow to talking because he is not fully understanding what people (our family--people at daycare) are saying. His dad speaks to him in Spanish and everyone else in English. We think he might be a little confused, but we aren't to the point of worry yet. I guess it is okay for him to be confused. I'm sure I would be if people talked in different laguages to me.
I'm off to bed :) I have to get up a little earlier than I usually do on Saturday :P nighty night
Friday, April 16, 2010
semester end NOW, please!
This semester is almost over and it is teasing me...I am so ready to take another break from school. And yes, I do remember that I just took a break. Summer is different lol.
I am sad to say that my job prospect didn't work out but I just applied to somewhere this morning and I am a little hopeful. I have a different attitude about it all anyway-if it doesn't work out, I'll find something else. I've actually played with the idea of being a waitress. Please don't tell me that you've done it and hated it! I just want to try it out and see if I can handle it and pay bills.
I did in fact say bills. Which actually means 1 bill but still....much more responsibility than just my gas lol. I am moving into an apartment with some ladies from church. My orignial plan for the summer was to stay in my RV and save money for my plan to stay with the bestie in January. My parents sold the RV the week before Easter and I moved in with my grandma. I could come back to Gilmer and live but I have a few reasons that are keeping me in Tyler. My new church calling--Relief Society Secretary of the new Tyler YSA branch is going to keep me busy and I don't want to give that up yet. Summer school is every day and I really don't want to drive to Tyler every single day for school. So Tyler was the winner for the summer. Staying with my grandparents has been amazing. I make my bed every day(I just thought my gma would like that) and it makes me feel so good to come home to a clean room lol. Sounds crazy, but it is so true. Try it if you don't already do it. BIG difference. I also get breakfast twice a week (the other three days I leave too early). I have an amazing bed. A great shower. I have really enjoyed it. But I realized that my money was still running out very fast. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to save money. I am not responsible at all and I don't get it. I take care of most other things, I am organized, a pretty good student, but money is evil in my hands. I feel like the apartment is good practice for moving in with Abbey when she comes home. I need to learn how to budget and be responsible. No better time than the present. I still plan on trying to save-but at least I can show off a great apartment with the money I make!
About that apartment....The apartment is near my grandparents house, has nice bedrooms and bathrooms, fitness center, washer and dryer!, and I'll have my own room unless I find someone to come share with me. Which does not seem like an awful idea=cheaper rent is good. No privacy will take some getting used to. I don't even have a person in mind yet, but I am thinking about it. Move in day is May 15th!!! now I just NEED that job...
Not a lot is going on with me besides school, job hunting, and apartment fun. Nicole is due in July and I am so excited about having a niece :) I just love being an aunt. Tony and I sat outside for the longest time just blowing bubbles. He screams with joy the entire time and it just precious. I'm spending the weekend in Gilmer because I have the time. I know that when I get a job, weekends probably won't be so free. I'll take advantage of it while I can.
Anyways-I'm off to clean the kitchen...then going to try and convince my family that pizza sounds like an amazing meal tonight. :)
I am sad to say that my job prospect didn't work out but I just applied to somewhere this morning and I am a little hopeful. I have a different attitude about it all anyway-if it doesn't work out, I'll find something else. I've actually played with the idea of being a waitress. Please don't tell me that you've done it and hated it! I just want to try it out and see if I can handle it and pay bills.
I did in fact say bills. Which actually means 1 bill but still....much more responsibility than just my gas lol. I am moving into an apartment with some ladies from church. My orignial plan for the summer was to stay in my RV and save money for my plan to stay with the bestie in January. My parents sold the RV the week before Easter and I moved in with my grandma. I could come back to Gilmer and live but I have a few reasons that are keeping me in Tyler. My new church calling--Relief Society Secretary of the new Tyler YSA branch is going to keep me busy and I don't want to give that up yet. Summer school is every day and I really don't want to drive to Tyler every single day for school. So Tyler was the winner for the summer. Staying with my grandparents has been amazing. I make my bed every day(I just thought my gma would like that) and it makes me feel so good to come home to a clean room lol. Sounds crazy, but it is so true. Try it if you don't already do it. BIG difference. I also get breakfast twice a week (the other three days I leave too early). I have an amazing bed. A great shower. I have really enjoyed it. But I realized that my money was still running out very fast. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to save money. I am not responsible at all and I don't get it. I take care of most other things, I am organized, a pretty good student, but money is evil in my hands. I feel like the apartment is good practice for moving in with Abbey when she comes home. I need to learn how to budget and be responsible. No better time than the present. I still plan on trying to save-but at least I can show off a great apartment with the money I make!
About that apartment....The apartment is near my grandparents house, has nice bedrooms and bathrooms, fitness center, washer and dryer!, and I'll have my own room unless I find someone to come share with me. Which does not seem like an awful idea=cheaper rent is good. No privacy will take some getting used to. I don't even have a person in mind yet, but I am thinking about it. Move in day is May 15th!!! now I just NEED that job...
Not a lot is going on with me besides school, job hunting, and apartment fun. Nicole is due in July and I am so excited about having a niece :) I just love being an aunt. Tony and I sat outside for the longest time just blowing bubbles. He screams with joy the entire time and it just precious. I'm spending the weekend in Gilmer because I have the time. I know that when I get a job, weekends probably won't be so free. I'll take advantage of it while I can.
Anyways-I'm off to clean the kitchen...then going to try and convince my family that pizza sounds like an amazing meal tonight. :)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
only read if you're bored...
so...I'm trying to have a positive attitude about EVERYTHING right now. It is something I find hard to do at times. I guess having a bad attitude and seeing all the negative in a situation is actually much easier than seeing the good. I've been so stressed the past couple months for a few reasons...
not being able to pay my grandparents for utilities
owing my grandparents money for the past few months
going back to school
being basically broke
having no job skills
getting ZERO return calls on any applications I filled out
normal friend stress
adjusting to a new environment
trying to get the guts to attend church in Tyler (I've been driving to Gilmer every weekend)
and a few other petty things.
I KNOW I am complaining about things that aren't that important but this is my life-so it is what I think about every day; consequently, making it important to me.
Today I pretty much crossed everything out on this list. My parents have been giving my grandparents money for utilities...I had no idea. So now I don't owe them money from the past couple of months. I can just start paying now and keep up to date. I think stressing about everything has made me so tired lately. I've been forcing myself to get out of bed and go to school-babysit-or whatever needed to be done. I am just so exhausted. I know it is just a part of growing up and taking on new responsibilities so I've tried to be patient with my situation but more importantly---I've tried to be patient with myself.
I finally got a phone call about an application that I filled out in January and I'm hopeful that it will all work out. If it doesn't, I'll be okay. I've been babysitting and I think I can survive on just that little bit of money--I've just been hoping to save some money. He called me around 11 and left a message--I called him around 1 and left a message. I hope he calls me back. I'm crossing my fingers so hard...makes typing pretty difficult ;)
I finally went to church in Tyler last Sunday. I've gone to a couple of FHEs and finally feeling confident with myself. I'm so glad I finally went. I have already recieved a calling....I'll tell you more about it after its official. I'm pretty excited and nervous of course. That is normal for everything new with me though.
I've got to get started on some things before I go to Gilmer tonight to teach aerobics. It is my last class since we are cancelling the Wednesday class. Not enough participation and the gym isn't making money from it. Of course-a good instrucor would advertise the class and get students--I just don't want to keep driving to Gilmer for that every week. I'm actually thinking abaout joining a gym or getting a personal trainer. I need a job first....so we'll see how it goes.
Sorry my blog was so boring. I usually read over them and edit but I'm out of time. :) enjoy
not being able to pay my grandparents for utilities
owing my grandparents money for the past few months
going back to school
being basically broke
having no job skills
getting ZERO return calls on any applications I filled out
normal friend stress
adjusting to a new environment
trying to get the guts to attend church in Tyler (I've been driving to Gilmer every weekend)
and a few other petty things.
I KNOW I am complaining about things that aren't that important but this is my life-so it is what I think about every day; consequently, making it important to me.
Today I pretty much crossed everything out on this list. My parents have been giving my grandparents money for utilities...I had no idea. So now I don't owe them money from the past couple of months. I can just start paying now and keep up to date. I think stressing about everything has made me so tired lately. I've been forcing myself to get out of bed and go to school-babysit-or whatever needed to be done. I am just so exhausted. I know it is just a part of growing up and taking on new responsibilities so I've tried to be patient with my situation but more importantly---I've tried to be patient with myself.
I finally got a phone call about an application that I filled out in January and I'm hopeful that it will all work out. If it doesn't, I'll be okay. I've been babysitting and I think I can survive on just that little bit of money--I've just been hoping to save some money. He called me around 11 and left a message--I called him around 1 and left a message. I hope he calls me back. I'm crossing my fingers so hard...makes typing pretty difficult ;)
I finally went to church in Tyler last Sunday. I've gone to a couple of FHEs and finally feeling confident with myself. I'm so glad I finally went. I have already recieved a calling....I'll tell you more about it after its official. I'm pretty excited and nervous of course. That is normal for everything new with me though.
I've got to get started on some things before I go to Gilmer tonight to teach aerobics. It is my last class since we are cancelling the Wednesday class. Not enough participation and the gym isn't making money from it. Of course-a good instrucor would advertise the class and get students--I just don't want to keep driving to Gilmer for that every week. I'm actually thinking abaout joining a gym or getting a personal trainer. I need a job first....so we'll see how it goes.
Sorry my blog was so boring. I usually read over them and edit but I'm out of time. :) enjoy
Friday, January 29, 2010
2010 Number 1
btw-I'm not going to number every entry of 2010. Just thought it would be a cute idea for the first one.
I'm all moved! I live by myself :) totally foreign and crazy to me. I always pictured myself staying with my parents until I got married. haha I don't think marriage is on the table yet. Not sure if it is anywhere near the 'table' room...or house for that matter lol. Considering I have no significant other.
Wow-I didn't think the picture would be that big but here is my Bruce :) At least that is what I have decided to call him. Handsome right?
Today has been a pretty ideal day for me. I went to class this morning and came home to relax. The cold-wet weather makes the outside air hurt! I like staying all cuddled up in my little trailer. Erica just brought me a printer/scanner for here and I need to do some re-organizing to fit it in here somwhere. That is one of my tasks for the evening. I am also trying to 'beef' up my resume so I can get a job. A clothing store in the mall is hiring so I have my fingers crossed that after I drop off my application they will call me. Hopefully they call tomorrow and set up an interview and I can work my little heart out and get some money. I don't need anything great or fancy. I just need some part time work!
Other than finances everything is going pretty good. I haven't gone to church here in Tyler yet. I've gone home the past few weekends. I know some of the YSA in Tyler but I'm still a little nervous. Church without my parents?> weird lol. I guess I have procrastinated long enough. I need to hook up this printer and print my resume-and turn in this application. Cross your fingers!
Friday, December 11, 2009
even better
Last day is now the 17th! My family is going to San Antonio on the 18th for my cousin Hannah's wedding so I told work I wouldn't be coming in on Friday. JOY!
I moved some more stuff into my trailer and it makes me so happy!!!!! I can't wait to move but I am starting to feel a little nervous. Living all by myself is going to be a big adjustment.
I have red hair. I didn't think it would turn out as red as it did, but so far I love it. Some lights make me look orange but it is all good. I'm glad to be rid of the black. It was a good color for me but I am getting too white to pull it off anymore. I am no longer using the tanning bed and am embracing my pale skin. :) Pale is beautiful my friends haha
I know I am rambling a lot. I am jumping all over with my thoughts so you'll have to excuse me. I am just so excited about not working here anymore. It is driving me nuts.
Nicole is going to have another baby! YAY for that too. I hope it is a girl so I can buy her dolls and bows and everything pink!
See, told you I was a happy, excited mess!
I moved some more stuff into my trailer and it makes me so happy!!!!! I can't wait to move but I am starting to feel a little nervous. Living all by myself is going to be a big adjustment.
I have red hair. I didn't think it would turn out as red as it did, but so far I love it. Some lights make me look orange but it is all good. I'm glad to be rid of the black. It was a good color for me but I am getting too white to pull it off anymore. I am no longer using the tanning bed and am embracing my pale skin. :) Pale is beautiful my friends haha
I know I am rambling a lot. I am jumping all over with my thoughts so you'll have to excuse me. I am just so excited about not working here anymore. It is driving me nuts.
Nicole is going to have another baby! YAY for that too. I hope it is a girl so I can buy her dolls and bows and everything pink!
See, told you I was a happy, excited mess!
Monday, November 30, 2009
some good news
the 18th of December is my LAST day at Ambar! Thank goodness. I decided this weekend that I wanted the Christmas holiday to be full of family time and no work. I talked to my boss this morning and he was completely cool about it. He even thanked me for sticking around as long as I did (due to the crazy up here!)
other good news-I am almost done with my Christmas shopping. I have never had my own money to just pick up stuff when I want to and this year I was able to do that. I am now patiently waiting on some deliveries from UPS. lol. Online shopping is an amazing thing! I have not bought my parents anything-I usually do really small things for them, but since Dec. 25 is my dad's 50th birthday I think we are doing something special for him. Other than my parents and maybe a birthday gift for someone else, I'm done!
I started putting up stuff that I am not taking with me when I move. I have sooo much junk in my room. I am so excited about living on my own. Should be fun. My mom bought me dishes and kitchen stuff for Christmas. No Christmas surprises for me but I am not complaining. I didn't even think about buying all that stuff until the other day when she was picking up all these things in front of me. Had no idea they were mine until I asked my nosey questions.
I am happy. I haven't been excited about anything in a while. (besides concerts and specific events) I am actually excited about life right now! It is a great feeling.
happy late thanksgiving!
other good news-I am almost done with my Christmas shopping. I have never had my own money to just pick up stuff when I want to and this year I was able to do that. I am now patiently waiting on some deliveries from UPS. lol. Online shopping is an amazing thing! I have not bought my parents anything-I usually do really small things for them, but since Dec. 25 is my dad's 50th birthday I think we are doing something special for him. Other than my parents and maybe a birthday gift for someone else, I'm done!
I started putting up stuff that I am not taking with me when I move. I have sooo much junk in my room. I am so excited about living on my own. Should be fun. My mom bought me dishes and kitchen stuff for Christmas. No Christmas surprises for me but I am not complaining. I didn't even think about buying all that stuff until the other day when she was picking up all these things in front of me. Had no idea they were mine until I asked my nosey questions.
I am happy. I haven't been excited about anything in a while. (besides concerts and specific events) I am actually excited about life right now! It is a great feeling.
happy late thanksgiving!
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