I am in a rotten mood today. I was trying to figure out how to get email notifications from my blog when I stumbled across the 'blogs of the day' or something like that. I started reading one...ex hot chick and fell in love with this girl. I only read a few entries, but realized I have a lot of similar feelings about myself and my weight problem. So how come I sat here reading her blog while eating possibly the greasisest slice of pizza on the planet? Did I mention I ate peanut m&ms right after the pizza? :( oh, and I am STILL sipping on a coke even after getting myself all worked up.
I have made myself completely depressed about my weight for about 3 years now. It has slowly gotten worse and I have made up my mind to lose the weight about 17 thousand times. I always say, 'I am for real this time, mom. I am tired of being the fat girl'...then I go to my room and watch tv for a few hours, only taking breaks to pee, fill up on dr. pepper, and eat something. How pathetic can I get? When I was in high school, I believe my sophomore year, that I would not be the fattest girl on the majorette line. Guess what? I totally was. I wasn't even that big that year but I sure put on the weight over the next two years.
I am sick of being like this. And am also sick of people saying that I am not fat. I am fat. BMI calculations say obese. So, yes. I am fat. And I do not want to be fat. I do not want to accept that I am just bigger than other girls. I do not want to just get over it. I want to lose the weight.
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Jenn at Exhotgirl is amazing, though I think she should change her name to Current Hot Girl lol.
ReplyDeleteIve read weight loss blogs sometimes while dining on chips and dip! Food has been my best friend/worst enemy for about my entire life. I eat really fast and in secret. Im slowly getting over that. I picked up this book by Geneen Roth, actually its a workbook and its really helped out. Its called Why Weight. It might help you out, too. Since Ive gotten it, Im able to be more kind to myself and its helped big time with my bingeing. I hope I havent crossed any lines!
That being said--youre a fantastic writer! You pull me into your life story like Im there living it with you. Dont give up, its a long haul but the results are worth it :)